Bet you've never been to a Wedding this Classy

Pamela Anderson marries Kid Rock in St. Tropez. Who needs a wedding dress when you've got silicone and a sailors hat.

Brandon Davis Still Sweaty & Gross

I still haven't a seen a picture of Brandon Davis where he isn't looking repulsively greasy. He probably wouldn't have the huge sweating problem if he stopped doing mass amounts of drugs. What is Nicky Hilton doing with him anyways? How can she even sit by him? He looks like would reek of B.O.

Can Someone Say Cheese?

Wow Kev, could you try any harder to be Corey Feldman? Unfortunately, you could never even come close to being that cool.
Who in their right mind pays Kevin Federline to model their crap anyways?
I guess he has nothing better to do, you know, such as taking care of one of his many fatherless children.

In related news, Britney has fired their pool boy. The former ex-employee claims Spears was not very nice to him, and was fired for talking to Kevin to much.

The ex-pool boy told In Touch magazine, "I was hanging out a little bit. She came out screaming at Kevin for lying around, then looked at me like I was to blame."
"She wants Kevin on a leash. She fires everybody. I figured, why not me? I just didn't expect her to be so mean. She's not the nice person everyone thinks she is."

Well, no kidding. I'd be pretty bitchy too if I was pregnant and had to take care of my other kid alone, while my pathetic-wannabe-rapper husband lazed around all day smoking joints with the pool boy.

Lance Bass Comes Out

I know this will come as a huge shocker, considering Lance was in a boy band and was spotted at gay clubs frequently, but he has now officially announced that he's gay.

Here's what the former NSync star said to People magazine:

"I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything."

"Some of the guys of course suspected because we were like brothers, so when you're with someone that much, they're like 'Why aren't you hitting on women all the time and acting like a rock star?"

"The main reason I wanted to speak my mind was that (the rumors) really were starting to affect my daily life. Now it feels like it's on my terms. I'm at peace with my family, my friends, myself and God so there's really nothing else that I worry about."

Money to Burn

Do Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen ever do anything other than shop?

Honestly the only photos I've seen of them in the last 10 years are of them shopping...and drinking Starbucks of course.

Here's another photo of Ashley buying yet more furniture.
I guess when you own 300 mansions you've gotta buy a lot of stuff to fill them, which would explain the shopping obsession.

Where is she shopping at anyway? Goodwill?
Looks like she gets her funiture from the same place Mary Kate gets her clothes.

Starving, Rich and Depressed

Here’s Mrs Beckham looking like a bronzed anorexic robot …does she ever smile?

Well, she is filthy rich and married to David Beckham, so life must be tough.

Poor little Posh, she always seems so unhappy.

Ashlees New Plastic Face

Ashlee Simpson wins the contest of the most plastic surgery by the age of 21. We understand she obviously has a huge complex and wants to be Jessica, but this is just ridiculous. It looks like her face has been mutilated into a plastic Barbie mold. Blonde extensions, fake tan, blue contacts, nose job, lip injections…Even Cher hasn’t had this much plastic surgery and she’s what? 90?

Nicole Falls to the Floor from Malnourishment

Big surprise, I know. Nicole the Skeleton Richie was out shopping, cuz what else would she be doing? Not going out to eat obviously. Anyways, Life & Style reports on her collapsing at Kitson in LA.

“She was looking through a rack of clothes when she suddenly fainted and hit the floor,” an “eyewitness” told the mag. “The staff helped her to a chair and offered her something to eat. She shot back, ‘No!’ and mumbled something about it being ‘so hot.’” Although Richie turned away food, she did accept a glass of water, reports the mag, and after about 20 minutes “was steady enough to leave.”

Of course this would have nothing to do with her anorexia/bulimia problem.

Britney Loves Tony the Tiger

Here's Britneys latest post on her official website in the Love B section.

Apparently Britney inhaled too many of the fumes coming from K-Feds bedroom while staring at her box of Frosted Flakes.

"I'm mesmerized by tigers. Their eyes, their stripes, their constant quest for survival. They almost have a sense of mysteriousness about them. They pull you in and make it difficult to look away. They make you wonder what is behind their gaze. A sense of eerie awe comes over you in their presence. The fear they give you when you pass them is stunning. Behold the beauty of the tiger."

Will Brits new baby be a boy or a girl? Bet on it here.

Mariah Carey's Face

Poor Mariah, shes gotten so much botox that she's starting to look like one of the Chipettes.

Pam Gets her Joe Dirt

What can we say, Pam likes her trash with greasy hair and wife beaters. Engaged again to Kid Rock, here's what she said in her online diary:

"Yes. I'm finally getting remarried...it's been a whirlwind...spontaneous but well thought through. Feels like I've been stuck in a time warp. Not able to let go of MY family picture...it's been sad and lonely and frustrating....I've raised my kids alone in hope of a miracle. Well my miracle came and went. And came back and came back because he knew that I'd wake up one day and realize that I was waiting for nothing. I'm moving on...I feel like I'm finally free....I'm in love. I'm happy....I see the light"

I think the only light she sees is from Kid Rock's lighter when he's sparking up his crack pipe in the trailer.

Match made in white trash heaven.

Hillarious bets on Pam & Kid Rocks wedding here.

More Jacko Weirdness

When Michaels Neverland-Creepo-Ranch was raided a few years ago, an autographed photo of Macaulay Culkin was found in the Jacksters bedroom.

According to the New York Post the inscription reads:

"The photograph was signed and had a message written on it. The message stated, 'To Apple Head. Always remember keep Apple Head Club Doo Doo Head Alive.' It was signed 'McCauley Caulkin' and, in parenthesis, 'Doo Doo Head.' " In Neverland speak, Jackson and his special young male pals were "Doo Doo Heads" and their secret society "the Apple Club."

Culkin testified in Jackson's defense last year, stating that even though they slept without pjs in Jacko's race car bed, that the pop star never molested him. The testimony of former Neverland workers said otherwise. Just kidding about the pjs and race car bed, but you never know.

Boozy the Chan

Apparently Jackie Chan had a few too many at the concert of Taiwanese singer Johnathan Lee in Hong Kong Monday night.
52 year old Jackie jumped on stage and insisted on a duet with the singer, he then started to try and control the band, but kept making them stop and start over.

Normally you would think a drunk Jackie Chan would be hillarious, but the audience got impatient and started yelling at him.
Chan yelled back with insults and then bragged about how drunk he was.

Jackie and David Hasselhoff should make a movie together where they are both slobbering drunk.
The Hoff would drive Kit around and smash into everything in sight, and Jackie would run around and karate kick everyone that the Hoff misses. "The Return of the Drunken Masters".

Make-up does a Body Good

Especially if you're Eva Longoria. This just goes to prove that ANYONE can look hot if they cake enough crap on their face.

"Next Stop, Waco Texas"

Tom Crusie is still on a mission to be the next David Koresh. Sources report he is acting weirder and weirder everyday. Here's an example:

"While on his worldwide promotion of ‘Mission Impossible III,’ I am told, his behavior was, in a word, paranoid. He was obsessed about the purity of the air and at one point, he was convinced he was being followed and insisted on taking longer routes to places. He was also quite concerned about whether locks worked and had them checked. Scientologists are not only afraid of creating engrams, they are also afraid of the effects of those around them who they call Suppressive Persons or SPs. It'’s possible that Tom Cruise is being overcome by his Scientology training and that’s leading to a paranoid world view that is being reflected in his behavior with baby Suri."

It's almost as if Tom thinks he's in Mission Impossible in real life, running around pretending to be chased, hiding in cardboard boxes, and jumping around all over the place scaring people.

Don't Mess with the Hoff!

Rumors are flying that the beer-guzzling David Hasselhoff was kicked out of Wimbledon because he was completely wasted.
The security guards didn't want to let him in because he didn't have a valid ticket, so of course he freaked out at them in a drunken rage.
To make the king of chest hair even more angry they banned him from press and players bars.
Then comes the best part, Hasselhoff yelled(slurred) at staff "You should let me in! Do you know who I am? I'm the Hoff!"
Classic.
How could they say no to that?
Probably because they were laughing too hard.
One guard said, "He was steaming drunk."
Security officers then ordered "The Hoff" out.

Keira Knightly Joins the Nicole Richie Eating Disorder Club

I love how Keira Knightly pretends to be surprised when told she looks anorexic.
No, really, read this:

"I've got a lot of experience with anorexia - my grandmother and great-grandmother suffered from it, and I had a lot of friends at school who suffered from it.
I know it's not something to be taken lightly and I don't. (The press) said to me yesterday 'How does it feel to be called anorexic?' and I had no idea that I was."

She had "no idea" that she was? So she's admitting to being dumb too?
Sorry Keira, but healthy women don't look like walking skeletons with their bones protruding out of their chests.
Gross.

You can bet on whether Keira will enter an eating disorder clinic here.

The newest Paris quotes

Paris recently told the Daily Mirror:

"One-night stands are not for me. I think it’s gross when you just give it up."
Right Paris, and by "gross" you mean "hot".

"Guys want you more if you don’t just hand it to them on a platter. If they want you, then they will wait."
By waiting, she means until she's finished posing, or drinking her drink.

“When guys get to know me, they realize I’m very different to how they thought I would be."
That's right Paris, cuz you're a genius.

Bobby Brown Scares Fans

Obviously.
I'd be scared too if I had to watch a cracked out Bobby Brown run around on stage with no shirt on while showing off his favorite dirty dance moves.
New Edition was nice enough to invite Bobby the trainwreck Brown to perform with them at the Essence Music Festival this past weekend. Instead of performing with class though, Bobby chose to embarass the group and get boo-ed by the audience.

"As the other five members moved to slick choreography Sunday, Brown ran around the stage wildly and performed raunchy dance moves.

Brown then left the stage, and the remainder of the group — original members Ralph Tresvant, Ricky Bell, Michael Bivins and Ronnie DeVoe, plus Johnny Gill, who replaced Brown — performed several ballads.

Brown followed with a solo set that started with “Don’t Be Cruel,” then quickly turned to more raunchy dancing and talk about his sex life with wife Whitney Houston.
By the time he finished with “My Prerogative,” Brown was shirtless and many in the audience were screaming for him to get off the stage."

Poor New Edition, bet they were sorry.